Marriage

The History

A formal public ceremony allowing two people to live together as husband and wife has existed from earliest times in all societies. In England one has the option of marrying in a church, a Register Office or other places licensed for the purpose. This is because the actual act of marrying is seen as independent of the religious ceremony, although many couples choose to combine them.

In the New Testament Jesus' teaching on marriage emphasises the Genesis idea that man and wife become one flesh (Matthew chp 19 vs 5) and Paul spoke of Christian marriage as being undertaken "in the Lord" (I Corinthians chp 7 vs 39). Christianity soon developed its own distinctive ceremonies to celebrate marriage including the vows, prayers, an exchange of rings and drinking from a common cup by bride and groom;; all this took place in the setting of the eucharist. This was seen as a service for believing Christians, but once a whole country was assumed to be Christian then this rite became the norm. Divorce was unknown, although obviously personages with the influence of Henry VDT, for example, could have their marriages annulled by the Pope.

Following on from the Reformation all marriages continued to be considered Christian rites until the establishment of secular registry offices in the nineteenth century. At this time divorce was also permitted and controversy has raged ever since about what should be the Church's attitude to divorce and remarriage.

The Beliefs

The theology of marriage as expressed in English sixteenth and seventeenth century prayer books contains ideas which came to be questioned in the twentieth century, (however, some couples still prefer to opt for the 1662 service). These beliefs include: the assumption of male supremacy where the bride promised to obey her husband; the ranking of the reasons for marriage with procreation of children come first and "mutual society, help and comfort" last; and the assumption that celibacy is better than marriage, marriage is for those unable to control their sexual urges. The service in the Alternative Service Book has corrected this teaching; the self-giving of the couple is seen as mutual (not the woman being passed from father to husband like a possession) and the references to sex and the reasons for matrimony are positive. The marriage relationship is a gift of creation.

The Service

The main sections of the marriage service are

(a)  provision for a Bible reading and sermon

(b)  a preface introducing the natural causes of marriage. There is a doctrinal emphasis on companionship and love and an affirmation of sexuality.

(c)  The marriage itself. The priest leads the couple through this section, but he or she does not marry them - the couple marry each other. They do this by stating their willing consent to the relationship. This is followed by the vow the partners make to each other, which in itself sums up the lifelong commitment of marriage. The sign of the relationship is, of course, the ring which is traditionally placed on the fourth finger of the left hand whence, medieval tradition tells us, a vein runs straight to the heart. The priest then declares the couple married and warnsagainst dividing those whom God has joined.

(d)  The prayer.

Marriage Today

People who choose to be married in church do so for a number of reasons. They may be committed Christians wishing to celebrate their marriage as a witness to Christ, but some will select a church wedding because it is a family custom or because they are thinking in terms of spectacle and show. Those who make use of the local Register Office or other venues for their wedding will do so for a number of reasons, but will often fall into one of three main groupings:

• those who do not wish to have a religious ceremony
• those who are unable to have a religious ceremony because of eg an earlier divorce or the partners being of different faiths
• those who will have a religious ceremony, but whose normal place of worship is not registered in law for marriages.

In some cases financial considerations may also play a part as the full panoply of a church wedding can cost several thousands of pounds.

From April 1995 onwards civil weddings have been taking place in other buildings normally open to the public (e.g. stately homes and hotels) which have been licensed by the local authority and whose use would not "demean marriage or bring it into disrepute". These ceremonies are taken by a superintendent registrar and can be tailored to suit the couple with the addition of songs etc. However, buildings which have had recent religious connections, such as redundant churches, cannot be used and the ceremony must not contain any religious elements. Some venues are able to provide a wedding reception in the same building, although the room used for the ceremony must be kept free of food and drink.  Exotic venues such as hot air balloons, gardens, aboard ship are not allowed!